how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize