Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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