well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
