Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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