fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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