with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
