Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
