YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
