I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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