the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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