He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize