Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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