I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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