bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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