i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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