i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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