Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
