If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
