I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
