I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
