Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
