dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
