I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
