why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
