My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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