i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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