I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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