we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
