u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
