I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
