like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
