i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
