I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
