The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
