Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
