Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
