I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
