Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
