Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
