she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
