Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What drink are we having for lunch?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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