He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
