you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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