Sry I called you an 8
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
