ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
