I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
