Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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