Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
