Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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