Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Found your dick twin last night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
