If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
