The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
