I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
