Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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