I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
