planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
