i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
