Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
