Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
