ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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