I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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