is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So much Jack, so little girl.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
