If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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