It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
