No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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