you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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