oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
