Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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