Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
