can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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