id be glad to
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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