she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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