I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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