i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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