she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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