Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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