how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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