the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
