At least make sure they are 18
Why
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
