I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
