my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
