what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize