i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
