i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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