dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
