On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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