Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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