I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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