I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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