thus making me awesome and them whores
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
